"kill them with kindness" is self-sabotage

welcome to the bliss with britt podcast. ♡ enjoy a soft, mindful listening experience with topics rooted in living a life of love, pursuing peace, and allowing childlike joy to flow. i share my authentic being, truths, and beliefs as a young woman making the conscious decision to live in alignment with my soul's bliss. i wish to inspire you to choose your own bliss, through authenticity and love.

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Transcript

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Hi y'all, it's Brittany and welcome back to Bliss the Frit The podcast. Today we are officially done with killing people with kindness, killing them with kindness. And we are fully embracing ditching all that does not serve us, including people, with discernment. We are officially done self-sacrificing and ditching ourselves, just a people please, just to try and make another person a better person. And we are choosing to honor ourselves, to value ourselves for in valuing ourselves and honoring ourselves and loving ourselves, we will be in situations that are mutually beneficial. That is an equal energy exchange. It won't be self-sabotaging. It won't be putting on your armor and grabbing a sword to go kill someone with kindness, to go feel the pain of being let down when it doesn't work out the way that you want it to. And I think as well, it's releasing the attachment to the outcome when it comes to your kindness, not utilizing your kindness to change another person. Rather, just being kind because you're kind, being situations that truly fuel you and be kind in that situation. Being kind is not just being a pushover. It's not throwing all your love and your kindness at a wall, at a brick wall. No, being kind is shining with your true authentic self. Being kind is not giving a cruel person flowers. That's not kindness. That's what's the word? There's a beautiful word for this. It's not kindness, it's more rewarding bad behavior. And that's not kind. Because then being kind and just allowing cruelty to flow into your life, you're allowing a pattern to flow in that other person and you're teaching them, oh, I can get away with this. This is how it's meant to be. Instead, being kind is being honest, being your true self when met with cruelty in an environment that doesn't serve you, with a person that doesn't serve you, relationships, family, friendships, whatever it is, if it goes awry, the kind thing to do is to say, hey, I didn't like this. This made me uncomfortable, and going the other way. They can either step up or they can step out, but then it's up to you whether to accept it or not. But it's not just hoping on a dream that one day, if you just keep letting them stomp all over you, they're gonna change. And believing that and being submissive to the cruelty that they're gonna magically change. We're done with that. We're done killing with kindness because it kind of just feels like self-harm. I don't think it really goes the way that in the past I thought it would go. Like I am a bright, beautiful, shining light of love and kindness and beautiful energy. And that's a beautiful way to be, but you have to be intentional on who you let into your energy and where you let it flow. For in the past, I would be kind and be kind and be kind. Even if I wasn't met with the most kindness in return, I'd still be kind and just give my energy and my love to the same people, to the same person, to the same environment, trying to benefit the environment, but it wasn't serving me. It was no longer serving me. Those people weren't serving me. It was like putting myself out and trying and then just being slaughtered down with the cruelty in return. And it's just letting myself down, turning my back on myself, on my own kindness, on my own heart, on my own energy by just pouring into avenues that were telling me quite literally that they weren't meant to serve me. They did not serve me. They were meant to be ditched with my discernment because they no longer served me. And we're done, we're done self-sabotaging. Because honestly, at the end of the day, it's it comes from not valuing yourself, from valuing another before yourself by believing that no matter what this other person, this place has been through, that it's worth more than your own comfort, your own being, your own love, your own safety and security, your own harmony. You're saying that I'm willing to sacrifice my harmony because I really want this other person to grow. I want them to feel better in this moment. I want to benefit the family, the friendship, the relationship. I want it to feel harmonious in the relationship. So therefore, I'm okay with not feeling harmonious within myself. And I don't think that's kind. The other person could say that you're being kind or possibly a pushover, but within yourself, it's not being kind to yourself. You're letting yourself down, you're denying yourself your own boundaries, and it's just it's cruel. And the way I see it, it's like whoever it is, wherever it is, it's like each time you interact with this thing and you're giving it your kindness, you're killing it with kindness. It's like touching a stove that's either on or off. There's a 50%, 50% chance it's on high, but there's a 50% it's on 50% chance it's also on low. And each time you touch it, you don't know what you're gonna get, but you're just trying and hoping that one day it'll just forever be off. But the thing is, there the choice is the ovens. The oven's choice is whether or not it wants to be on or off. The oven decides each day if it wants to be on high alert or be low and be open to your love. It's up to the oven. It's up to the oven. And based on pattern, based on not even pattern, it's okay if even just the first time they burn you, you leave. But eventually you get burned 20 million times and you just decide, my kindness isn't safe here. My love is not safe here. So am I going to keep sacrificing my loving kindness for this person, for this being, for this place? Or am I gonna lick my wounds? Am I gonna heal? And am I gonna let myself fill up with all my love and kindness and take it somewhere that it belongs? Not sacrifice it because killing with kindness, it is a beautiful thing, just like to be a kind person, but in the long haul, like when it comes to like relationships, environments, um, peers, it's not really killing them. I would say it's benefiting them. It's it's been hard for me to come to this conclusion because I'm very um, they call me like snow white-y, very rose-colored glasses on purpose. But not everybody thinks the way you do, and that's not to judge another person, but the say the way your brain works, their brain may not work the same based on their life, based on their decisions, based on what they've been through. They have different neurological pathways. And you, when you see somebody kind, you're like, oh, I should value this person. But them, if they're being cruel to you, they're mean, mean to you, and you're just kissing the ground they walk on, they see you as somebody who can be easily pushed over, who can be used into their agenda in however way that they see fit. And they see that you don't mind that. Because every day when you come across a stranger, when you come across the earth, Mother Nature, whatever it is, a place, yes, be kind, be kind. I encourage you to be kind, but being kind, like I said, it's not being a pushover. It's honoring yourself, it's valuing yourself, it's speaking your heart. True kindness is allowing another person to grow. True kindness is not stunting their growth because you're too afraid to say, hey, that was mean. Hey, I don't feel comfortable here. Hey, this is a misalignment. Either we can either fix this or we can go, or I don't even want to fix it. I'm done. I feel disrespected, and that's enough for me to walk away. That's the true kindness. And I was even thinking about this. It's not super kindness that changes a person. I don't think it's even super cruelty that changes them either. It's the beautiful in between. When you're met with cruelty, it's not, you don't have to be super like, oh yes, I'll take this. You don't have to even respond in hatred either or in anger either. It's the beautiful in-between of what's the word being unbothered. It's the okay, that was weird. Obviously, this doesn't serve me in going the other way. It's not taking it personally, but taking it with discernment of like, okay, this doesn't serve me. I'm gonna go the other way. Because in life, sometimes people, everything is energy. You're feeding off the energy. And whether or not the energy you're giving somebody is anger or love, it's energy. So in the beautiful in between, which is the the word I'm not looking for, it's not unbotheredness, but it has the same energy of unbotheredness. It's in the disconnection, maybe, maybe that's what it is, just the beautiful in-between of okay, I'm gonna go the other way. It's in the silence that truly teaches people, it's the okay, if I'm unkind, I'm gonna lose beautiful relationships in my life. Oh, if I only use this person for what they give me and I don't truly respect the being that they are, they're not gonna serve me in my life. Oh, it's kind of cruel to do that because when that happens, I lose access. It's access, energy, and attention is one of the most beautiful, not even the most beautiful, but the most sought-after commodity in this world. So be important where you're like putting your energy. Be very discerning with where you put your energy and be kind, but don't be a pushover. There's a way to be kind that you still state your boundaries, you're still loving yourself. And it's not the people pleaser way, but it's the pleasing your true authentic being, being aligned that truly serves your life. So I encourage you when the stove burns you, to leave the stove. And possibly one day the stove will get better, or maybe one day you'll find an evolved version of it that actually truly serves you and respects and honors and values you and would never burn your beautiful manicured hands. If that makes sense. But yeah, I love you. We're done killing them with kindness, and you are embracing ditching all that does not serve us with discernment. Or if it serves you, it'll align perfectly. And if it does not serve you, honor that feeling within you. Because your intuition always knows and that's enough. Sometimes it doesn't take a hundred mistakes. Sometimes all it takes is that gut feeling to address it and to move with faith, knowing that your love is not cruel. Later.